The Annual Autobiography: The Essence

6 01 2008

Hence, continuing the tradition, some posts will exclusively be dedicated to the author and his endeavors in year 2007. Actually, there is a hidden strategy behind this tradition which I started few years before. These all annual audits will serve as authorized references to recall all the important things and events related to me in a particular year. And all of these will be flashbacked whenever I start writing the complete autobiography of mine (grin). Well, that’s another dimension, which is quite weird as it seems right away.

The baseline and the theme of last year was about being a true wanderer and being full of joy, happiness, celebration, and sense of satisfaction. The almost 24 years of life had given me too many regrets and the last year was quite destined to equate the imbalance. And I did it, enthusiastically and completely. It was indeed an awesome year, and I kept celebrating my silver jubilee year. The celebration went on and on. I enjoyed this. The endeavors, at first sight, seemed irrational but I found it quite rational, having its own reasons on its own terms. For the first time in my life, materialistic happiness helped me to get spiritual happiness. Or, the attainment of spiritual happiness led me to enjoy material happiness. Whatever! It was fun anyways. The beautiful thing was that I did what I wanted to do at that time. Every miniscule event occurred because I wanted to enjoy them. Random, unpredicted, and romantic. I liked that, beside the fact that it was no way concerned with any of the visionary thing. I liked it more because it was quite earthy and it made me close to myself. And of course, it is a year which I’ll always cherish.

Just like the coin which never exists with only one side, the year had the experiences from the other side also. This other side is not the wrong side, rather it can be correctly identified as a darker side where your quest to enlighten only grows. Mostly came in picture during the start of the year which ended soon, then there were occasionally occurrences of soar moments, and lastly some randomly generated celestial feelings. Though none of them could engulf me or overrule the realm of my mood. Something, nevertheless, kept hunting me. Throughout the year, I also continued feeling a void which, at the end, came out in a different form – a sense of restlessness. Sometimes, it was also like skepticism towards the essence of all the activities. As I make it out now, this is the point which was the child of the materialistic happiness and the mother of a spiritual journey. The journey of happiness and celebrating life. The signature tune of the realness. Something that keeps me going, learning, and finding, which further reverberates the tales of a true wanderer. At the end of each moment, I feel content yet thirsty. Knowingness or the understanding of unknowingness? Not sure. I come to learn more yet come to understand that I need to learn much more. A string of enchanting moments which further adjoin with each other to form a finely tuned rhythm, whereas unsure about the next moment and unknown to the preceding one. Being joyous in uncovering an answer which is a collection of several other questions yet the quest of wisdom never dies. Having pride being a traveler who halts at each milestone to take rest yet doesn’t consider it a wrongdoing or violation of the values of journey. A musician who can hum the beats anywhere be it a maternity home, love dale, or a deathbed yet wins over every foot which can catch the rhythm, reciprocate, and dance. A journey which is full of scattered, intertwined, zigzagged, endless, and landscaped paths and all of them are sacred and sanctimonious. A bookshelf which is full of fables and poetries. A quench which nurture the quest and a life which lives itself.

Quite an enlightening experience I had, indeed! And this was the year which taught me all this. There are few more things that I would like to uncover here. All of these are by-products of the experiments and experiences I went through last year. First, desires, whatever they are, can’t be fulfilled until they are not completely explored. Fulfillment of desires means you get or receive or accomplish them. These desires can be anything and so do the process of getting them. Fulfillment or attainment of them doesn’t mean that it ended the thirst to attain them. It means you got what you wanted to get but you haven’t yet enjoyed this. Until you don’t utilize or enjoy this attainment, derivatives or process, the thirst will still be on. It’s something like you desired for a palace and you bought it, but you haven’t been able to live inside it. A bud of rose is not beautiful till it grows up as a flower. Exploration is a step next to discovery. The same happened to me and my convictions helped me. Not only I explored my desires but also I nurtured the craving. The attaining process was amazing and the accomplishment made me content. I was no more longing for the same thing after that. It was also about understanding that the craving and desires had no vice, whatever desire it was. If you truly want something, that desire has to be sacred and the craving has to be a virtue. Yet the attainment can be a mirage where you had to take a bit rest and then continue the journey. It can also be a beautiful barrier which looks like a miracle in a desert and gives a feeling of being at the destination. This is a point where you could either enjoy and move on or be delighted and stay. Either none-ness to oneness or there will be synonymous moments appearing like continued forever. And what is needed here is the thorough exploration.

Another important thing was that I enjoyed almost everything. The process and involvement were not singular, it was rather multi-dimensional. Not related or intertwined to each other, sometimes even opposite. But when you are in the mood, nothing does matter. I also explored everything and never proceeded with the formulas and theories. I made my own recipe, cooked, and tasted the cuisines first-handed. The suspicion and heterodoxy was over. At the same time, it also broke the convention and ideas.

Further, the quest and the passion only increased with this celebration. I even found myself too closed to them with joy and greater involvement and suchlike. It won’t be surprising if someday I feel oneness with them, being a part of them or making them a part of mine. Or rather showcasing a different, unique entity formed by them and me.

There are few more things but I am quite unable to pen them down. You know, there are some thoughts which can make you thought-less. You know what it is but you can’t tell or describe. Sometimes, you can only feel but can’t know what it is. And besides, the essences can also have a quintessence. Who knows, next year the quintessence itself will write its own stories. The mirage might be beautiful yet a cliché whereas the desert might have buried more amazing figurines and captivating fables underneath. There might also be a truth behind all the truths. Who knows! Who knows where the quintessence lies.

Hence, I wish the exploration gets continued and the quest and thirst only increases with each discovery and attainment. I wish the celebrations celebrate themselves and the joy enjoys itself. I wish the life continues living itself and the essences continues uncovering their quintessence themselves. I wish the journey never ends with the roads and the milestone comes after each mile of walking yet doesn’t appear as a destination. I wish that, during the journey, I take the path which I think is right and be able to choose the road which I want to. And I hope the wishes come true. I hope.



18 10 2007

रिश्तों की तकसीम से
बनी दीवारों से आहत
इक शख्स ने टोका यूँ हीं.
मैं तीरगी में कुछ ढूँढ रहा था,
और कुछ शिकायत थी उनको,
वो अटक रहे थे,
मैं भटक रहा था.

उनकी पेशवा आंखें,
ठहरी बदहवास साँसे,
क्षुब्ध चेहरे से कुछ लम्हें धीरे से खाँसें –
क्या खोजते हो इस जहाँ में,
बिना छ्त के इस मकाँ में?

बुने थे कुछ चेहरे, चुने थे कुछ रिश्ते,
फ़िर फरिश्तों की ईंट से था घर इक बनाया.
चेहरे मुँह बाये खड़े रहे,
दीवार छ्त को खा गए,
आंखें स्तब्ध, ज़ुबाँ खामोश, न जाने कैसे ये मंजर आया.

मेरे लफ़्ज़ों से फूटे
चंद जुम्ले मुतबस्सुम-
बहते बादलों से जन्मे
एक बूँद ही हैं हम तुम.
सावन, आषाढ़, या सर्दी की हो लहरें,
झील, झरने, या नदी में हम ठहरें,
तेरे टूटे हुए छ्त या टपकें हरे दूब पे,
मुख्तलिफ परिभाषाएं, पर बूँद ही हैं हम तुम.

मिटटी के घर की छतों से बने शहरें,
या हो फ़िर देशों की सीमाओं पे पहरें,
घर की कमरों में क़ैद हवा
या तो सड़ जायेगी
या फ़िर छ्त तोडके उड़ जायेगी.
मुख्तलिफ रिश्ते, दोस्ती, नाते, वास्ते,
अलग-अलग कमरों जैसे
छ्त खोजते हुए दीवारों से जकडे राब्ते.

जितने बड़े रिश्ते, उतनी बड़ी जंजीरें,
जितनी चौडी दोस्ती, उतनी बंद कुशादगी.
और टूटी हुई छ्त
अट्टहास लगाती, याद दिलाती –
आकाश है प्रेम
जो खुले कायनात में पलता है,
हवा की दीवारों
और दूब की धरती में ही
सतरंगी खुशबू से नीला छ्त ढलता है.

तेरे बनाये घर से दबी है कायनात
सिसकती सदायें और बिखरे हयात,
बिला खौफो-खतर ये सफर छोड़ दो
बिना छ्त की बनी हर घर तोड़ दो,
खोज सच की है तो आओ दरवेश चलें
चरगे-इश्क दिल में जला गृहप्रवेश करें.

तकसीम-बंटवारा, तीरगीअँधेरा, पेशवा- ज्ञानी, मंजर-दृश्य, मुतबस्सुम-मुस्कुराते हुए, मुख्तलिफ-भिन्न-भिन्न, तरह तरह के, कुशादगी-खुलापन, कायनात-धरती, सदायें-आवाजें, हयात-जीवन, बिला खौफो-खतर भय और दुःख के बिना, दरवेश-पवित्र स्थल.

मेरी अन्य कवितायेँ(My other poems)

Protected: One year, Many things

15 01 2007

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Back with the future

29 01 2006

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.


After a long time, I’m back on my space. Don’t be surprised, I was not in any hibernation. Rather, I was quite busy with stuffs…and they made me stay away from writing here or anywhere else. The time was somewhat difficult, or perhaps, it still is. But there was a feeling of satisfaction that I enjoyed during the last month…whatever the consequences were, I felt well coz I had tried my best. There is a fact that motivates me always… my efforts always pays me, more or less. Though I didn’t get what I actually deserved…but I guess, this is a sign, an omen, that is indicating something gud.

Lots of developments occurred in last months. During the last 2 weeks of december, I was busy with my exams… and I held 2nd position in my Spanish class. I worked at night for 2 weeks in my office and involved in few progressive discussions with my BDO and President. After the christmas, my night shifts were over and in the holidays… I did do 2 important things. I expanded my business and professional network at great levels… and 2nd, I, finally, entered in BPO consultancy work. I worked for 2 weeks on it and communicated with several people for medical transcription and call center services. This was the first time when I really did something for my BPO ventures. I haven’t got any firm results yet, but I’m expecting few results by the 2nd weekend of the february.

During the next 2 weeks of January, I concentrated on my core areas. During the daytime, I worked with a software dev/BPO company where I’ve been working since 1 year, and in the night, I worked for my own organization (DreamWorkers Productions) and personal projects. The results came very soon and it seems I’m going to be managing partner of the “creative division”, one of the 3 divisions of the company. It made me feel gud coz it was indeed long awaited and I was getting it sooner than I conceived. On the other hand, I made a complete plan for the final-round development of my career-portal. I made the plan, the structure, further strategies, and the home page for the portal. These things increased the pace for the development of the portal. One more reason for my hectic schedule was my study. My both classes- MCA and Spanish- have been started this month… that means I’ve to attend classes 4 days a week.

Actually, this is not the work that sucks my life most of the times. The most important things are the consequences and the differences between the expected and actual results. BTW, I’ve stopped taking too much care of the results and I just do whatever my heart says and my mind allows.

The poem on the top of this blog depicts the real situation of my life these days. The poem is very beautiful and so my life is. Well, I’m feeling very sleepy now and there is a firm reason behind it… my clock is indicating 6:30 of the morning. so, gotta go now………..

The Last Game

10 12 2005

Well, is it all what I wanted or should I better deprive myself of hope, what is all, almost, I do have? The time is running more faster, and the things are moving slower than ever, or say not moving at all, this is just the hope, quite useless, what is creating a fake aura. If it still goes in this similar way, I’ll be stuck without any quotient. It must be over now, what the hell is glaring behind everything? This is more than two years and everything is still. And even, in the comparison with the time, I’m moving backwards. Another thing, why I’m not letting things be stopped? What’s next? Waiting for the saturation level(to kill me) or this is the omen hinting that the world will be conquered soon, ha! Can anyone tell me that what should I wait for? Where should I run and what should I leave behind? What will I get at the very end – is there anything, anyone or whatever?

Too much questions and no answers at all. Who cares? Did I ever? Let me run my last marathon. Either I’ll win or I’ll get tired. Getting is more crucial and I guess I’ll have either of them (win/lose) in the end.

Run… Run for all and run from all. That’s called life.