I pity myself

20 04 2007

I don’t want to write anything today and I dont really have anything substantial to write here. But I have to blabber somewhere maudlinly. Since few days, I have been feeling very helpless and hapless for the things I cant really avoid. It is sort of like you have been captured by numerous visible and invisible things that neither you can break them nor you can compromise nor survive with. During last 2 months, I was having talks with my friends about our lives and stuffs. Including me, everybody is having problems and issues and we all can’t help ourselves proceeding with and surviving peacefully with them. This noise, this chaos exists for absolutely no reasons, it just exists because it probably has to. I know that it has to be changed and its quite doable, but it seems that I can’t do anything, neither for me nor for my friends nor for any living or non-living entity. Last night, my colleague showed the profile of Minal Panchal, the Indian student who shot dead in Virginia Tech 2 days before, on a social networking website. I saw her face, her profile, the simple things like I have written about myself, testimonials written for the girl, and other things…I felt like it was me who actually received the bullets..really, she was just looking like me for that moment. Returning home, Linkin Park was screaming to call the mercy in the world for God-knows-what reasons. Mercy…for what and for whom?? For the people, who live on the basis of hatred, jealousy, anger, ego, sex, etc, etc and destroy each other for the same? For the people, who think that the life is just about growing on the lives of others…killing souls and humanity every second? Mercy for what? Massacres are required here…but, we won’t bring it even…’coz we cant satisfy ourselves by finishing the game in one shot..we need to do it all the time because it’s the only thing that we do and it is the thing that keeps us alive. They told me that you can’t be successful in the business if you are not a crook..the better you learn to thrash others, the sooner you grow. I was always taught that rapid growth comes at the cost of something..err…someone. All right. Then why to grow! If I kill someone for the reason of keeping myself alive, then would I preserve any reason to stay alive? And why shouldn’t I pity myself when I am so helpless to do anything to make a better world to live?